Sanity
my sanity seems to unravel
like frayed shoe-laces on a rainy day
I keep tripping on in the mud
but when I go to tie them
I find myself barefoot
rooted in an unsatiable lust
for something other than reality
a blood-letting of sorts
a scream that dies
before it escapes my throat
my struggle is not one of boredom or regret
rather a confusing mixture
of powders, pills, and mind-control
and some weird state of non-commital emotion
a dark ocean of something mistakenly called
anti-depression
I’ve never really been in control
but I fight with a might that might surpise you
and win most battles and lose most wars
realizing too late that I’m the only one
keeping score
another day of willing the sun to stay down
to allow me to drown
in a dreamscape of something greater
inhibit my feelings or leave me alone
this is something I’ll always fight
alone
Copyright © Matthew Vandeburgh | Year Posted 2011
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