Runner

He's searching and looking in all the wrong places. He appears to be calm, poised, and confident. Seeing him casually, one would think he is swell and well. But up close, you would believe that he's afraid of his own shadows. From those shadows he runs continually, one marathon and another, because he is not a 'facer or fixer', but a runner. So, he runs. A self-proclaimed 'Runner' left me a note some three years ago. He said, "... all I wanted to do was run". I saw his note after I moved away and was never able to talk with him. I am pleased that Paul no longer runs. A runner runs because he refuses to face the truth. He knows why he is running but denies the hurts and pains of his past as if the past, present, and future have no connection. Perhaps he doesn't know that today's reality is often a reflection of yesterday. He cannot find what he looking and longing for because he doesn't know what he looking for. He does know that he's on the run; and his fears energise and propel his every step. He's afraid but pretends to be brave. He is not a relay runner because he runs alone. He runs alone because he refuses to be close. He refuses to be close because he has been hurt. His race is a race of 'one', and no one wins. There is no life in this world without hurt, but the runner hurts alone.