Rum N Raisin 7 - Paws

Rum had heard the rumour, “There’s a great new movie out.” He asked around to find out what the plot might be about It’s a tale of dogs so naughty, folk won’t go outdoors Twas Ronnie Rat that told him that the movie’s name is ‘PAWS!’ Raisin said, “We wouldn’t understand a single word, There won’t be cat subtitles so your idea is absurd Besides, why has a film with dogs got you completely smitten Can’t we wait until they show a movie with a kitten?” But Rum had made his mind up, he was gonna see that movie So he meowed and purred real loud and said, “It might be groovy.” Raisin shrugged and with a huff she said, “Okay, we’ll go, But you say ‘groovy’ one more time and I for one won’t show.” At the cinema where all the people leaving shivered They snuck in through a back door where the popcorn got delivered Raisin saw a single seat where both of them could sit She also knew another seat would be a better fit The lady in the next seat had a very hairy nose It seems in tales like this, it’s just the way the story goes She vanished fairly quickly saying, “Oh, me poor old knees.” When Raisin started scratching at imaginary fleas And so the lights went down and Raisin muttered with a frown, “We’re gonna be the laughing stock of this entire town, If this movie ain’t as scary as it’s meant to be, It seems you will have made a proper numpty out of me.” The movie soon got going and a scary scene was showing The schoolboy, sat in front of Raisin, thought he was all-knowing He stamped his feet and banged his seat and yelled, “That dog is phoney!” And Raisin couldn’t help herself, she simply cried, “Baloney!” The boy declared, “I am not scared of rubber dogs… but how… Am I so sure that I just heard some stoopid cat Meow?” He turned and snarled at Rum and Raisin and he made a fist But then sat back down whimpering when Rum and Raisin hissed The movie had moved on and now it started getting scary And Rum just sat there petrified as each scene got more hairy He took a hold of Raisin’s paw and gripped it really firm And then he dug his claws in when the movie made him squirm Well, Raisin’s screech was louder than a sudden thunderclap The audience reacted like each one had had a slap One old man was so engrossed in on-screen misadventures That Raisin’s screech had caused him to spit out his brand new dentures They landed in a lady’s cola with a massive splash And soaked her face and blue-rinse wig and also her moustache And if we note that neither Rum nor Raisin left their seat What a feat when ‘loudmouth schoolboy’ beat a quick retreat Rum watched everybody leave; each heading for the doors Raisin said, “So what do you think of this plan of yours?” Rum said, “Well, there seems to be a lot of empty seats, but now we have our pick of quite a few discarded eats.” And so they saw the movie, on their own, through to the end Raisin said, “I’m glad we came.” But Rum could not pretend “I don’t care that popcorn isn’t too good for our health, but I’ve drunk so much cola that… I think I’ve wet myself!”