Ripple Effect

a burnished red sun
sinks slowly into the sea---

                  ripples splash our feet







______________________________
6/28/15
"Traditional Haiku Contest" sponsored by Shadow Hamilton

beautyoceanseasunsunsethaiku

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Funom Makama

July 2, 2015 at 10:37 AM

Great poem with a lovely message. Thanks for the Grade 7 share.

Debbie Guzzi

July 1, 2015 at 8:23 PM

Congrads traditional haiku has a cut to the 3rd line [you have a nice one] & it is in the required 2 parts, it's pretty true to form Carrie, not sure if there's a strong enough indication of season? Light & Love

Carrie Richards

July 1, 2015 at 8:29 PM

Thanks Deb. I'll try to keep that in mind.....keeping seasons stronger in my haikus !!

David Mohn

July 1, 2015 at 6:16 PM

love the contrast of burnished and ripples...beautiful Carrie!

Debbie Guzzi

July 1, 2015 at 8:25 PM

burnished could be construed as a bit too free verse, a bit too subjective BUT it's edging in the right direction - you see it is only Carrie's opinion that the sun looks burnished [like metal which has been shined] to someone else it could look like a red ball- see?