Ripple Effect

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a burnished red sun sinks slowly into the sea--- ripples splash our feet ______________________________ 6/28/15 "Traditional Haiku Contest" sponsored by Shadow Hamilton

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Funom Makama

Date: 7/2/2015 10:37:00 AM

Great poem with a lovely message. Thanks for the Grade 7 share.

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 7/1/2015 8:23:00 PM

Congrads traditional haiku has a cut to the 3rd line [you have a nice one] & it is in the required 2 parts, it's pretty true to form Carrie, not sure if there's a strong enough indication of season? Light & Love

Carrie Richards
Date: 7/1/2015 8:29:00 PM

Thanks Deb. I'll try to keep that in mind.....keeping seasons stronger in my haikus !!

David Mohn

Date: 7/1/2015 6:16:00 PM

love the contrast of burnished and ripples...beautiful Carrie!

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 7/1/2015 8:25:00 PM

burnished could be construed as a bit too free verse, a bit too subjective BUT it's edging in the right direction - you see it is only Carrie's opinion that the sun looks burnished [like metal which has been shined] to someone else it could look like a red ball- see?