Riding the Carousel Again?

Have I jumped on the carousel again, the one with no brass ring? Where no matter which horse I ride I will end up spinning in circles of despair? I do not try to wonder why for, with no ego, I believe jealousy plays a role. Although I start to befriend, attraction begins, searches for what is missing follows me everywhere. I could talk free and easy when I saw you a friend, yet now I am clumsy, nervous and timid. I found you a kindred spirit, similar journeys shared. That kind of understanding is attractive in its own way. I twist in the wind, in the maelstrom I’ve created just in trying to be a friend. Again. I open myself up to the stories of the downcast and to have an empathetic ear seems to drive them wild. Maybe I bring it on. Maybe I ask for it. Perhaps a part of me enjoys this little game. I haven’t liked it so far and can’t tell if this is real, but – man – I am really into my neighbor’s girl (idiot!)!