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Revenge's Reward- A Possible New Form of Poetry

You cower at my rebel yell Envisioning hot flames of hell I’ll cast on you a wicked spell Before your plea for life I quell My rebel yell, hot flames of hell You tremble at my vicious might As you are plunged into the night Hope's angel now robbed from your sight With none to save you from your plight Into the night, robbed from your sight Your faithlessness my heart did break Your torture kept me nights awake And now revenge will make you quake I pierce your heart with jagged stake With jagged stake, my heart did break Eileen Manassian Ghali PS....I'm LONGING to come up with a new form that would bear my name! That would be the ultimate poetic ecstasy for me. I'm so impressed with the Swap Quatrain, Suzette Prime, Questionku, Constanza....Some by people that I actually KNOW. It's such a thrill! Anyway....here is something that I tried today. Tell me what you think. It is a poem made up of three stanzas. They are quatrain's but have a fifth line added. The fifth line of the first stanza takes the ending of the first two lines and combines them....the fifth line of the second stanza the endings of lines 2 and 3...and the last line of the last stanza has the ending lines of the fourth line, and the goes back to the ending of the first line. The object is to come full circle and reverse the events in the quatrain. In this case...I'm seeking revenge, and then the last line makes it plain that I'm the true sufferer. It must use a rhyme scheme. Please leave comments on what you think of this....It's pretty basic and elementary....but....It's MINE! ;)

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 2/27/2014 3:27:00 PM
Wonderful Eileen. I like the simple description F.J. gives. I tried to list it here but not enough room. My best suggestion would be to write more poems in your form, because it will afford you clarity on what you may want to change. It is also very helpful to have others write in your form as some have done. After you feel you have it perfected then you might consider having a contest in your form which will really inspire. I think it has great potential and I am happy for you Eileen. I like the name F.J. mentions. Of course you will want to give it careful consideration.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 3/2/2014 5:44:00 AM
Connie....you have been so so helpful with this. I do appreciate the time you have taken to go over the form an get back to me with these suggestions. It is good sound advice. Perhaps a bit later, I will host a contest...Once again, I love your Constanza. THAT is simply beautiful! FJ's description is much clearer than mine. I should tag it at the end of this...or use it on the contest page. :) Thanks for dropping by.Hugs
Date: 2/24/2014 8:32:00 AM
I hope he is better soon, sorry you had a rough night.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/24/2014 10:46:00 AM
He's topped up on meds and made it to work...He has to be there. They are shooting a new show...Poor guy. After cooking lunch....I had a nice long nap. I will get to the post office tomorrow.......SOMEHOW! Thanks for stopping by...
Date: 2/24/2014 8:00:00 AM
Good afternoon Eileen, did you pick up the books? Have they arrived safely?
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/24/2014 8:04:00 AM
Hi, Richard....Not yet. Hubby is at work, and he isn't well. We had a rough night as he had fever and I had to attend to him. I don't drive (in Lebanon). I think it will have to be tomorrow.....I'll wait till when he gets home to see if he can manage this afternoon. Tomorrow for sure....I have the day off. I might ask a friend to take me there...........I'm so tired...I'm about to doze off myself....I will let you know.
Date: 2/24/2014 6:21:00 AM
An earnest quest of a poet's heart that yearns to bring poetry to higher planes of beauty! A brave challenging idea that worth exploring! The first sample provoking and beautiful! Keep it up and you may end up with a contribution to the poetic effort of expression! I loved it! A 7!
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/24/2014 6:30:00 AM
Thank you, my dear poet. I'm honored by your high praise. Your visit is most welcome. I hope that all is well with you. :) God bless........
Date: 2/23/2014 5:35:00 PM
Very clever of you my little Desert Orchid, basic and elementary, hmmm, I don't think so, I've read through the instructions three times and me heads still buzzing lol. Your poems true to form, you're the sufferer even though you've just murdered your lover lol Typical woman logic haha. Take care, Richard
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/24/2014 6:35:00 AM
You think so, Mr Seal? Really Truly? HEE HEE! I a a wild one...........a bit dangerous, Mr Seal. DO NOT think to cross me, or...........you must suffer a similar fate. I will change from a desert orchid to man eating plant. HA HA! ;) Thanks for the visit. Take care.
Date: 2/23/2014 11:57:00 AM
Eileen here is my two cents, I think it would be better just as a rhyme scheme, as mono rhyme should be all the same rhyme not different for each stanza, and it would look better if it was metered, having said that I think it is great and with a little tweaking here and there it would make a great new form...David
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 12:10:00 PM
I made some changes thanks to your comment! :-)
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 12:02:00 PM
Oh....I welcome your input, David. Thanks ever so much...I'm so happy you think it had potential...All lines are 8 syllables but dont know about the stresses here and there...I'm pretty good with iambic pentameter...Shall I rework it to that???
Date: 2/23/2014 10:54:00 AM
I see where I mixed it up, I used all the lines from the first stanza. I still like how it turned out. Thanks for inspiring me.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 10:56:00 AM
Yes....It was nice how it turned out! :) You have a very creative mind, Richard. :) Thanks.....for giving my morale a boost....as you always do. Bless you for that.
Date: 2/23/2014 9:47:00 AM
Very cool, I had to really look at it to understand. Very effective. I wonder if it could also work without rhyming? That might lend the form to have more possibilities for expression. You are brilliant my dear.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 10:44:00 AM
I have every belief that I will be enthralled by it. You haven't changed who you are as a poet, have you??? If you are Richard Lamoureux....I'll LOVE it. Will let you know when I get them and have a read....Glad Tuesday is my day off...I'll be able to give it my full attention! :) Your child will be loved...
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Richard Lamoureux
Date: 2/23/2014 10:33:00 AM
I said a prayer that they would arrive. I'm so excited that they have arrived. (also a bit nervous as to what you will think once you read it.) it's like presenting a child and hoping others will think he is beautiful.
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 10:11:00 AM
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :).............Thanks, Richard......I'm thrilled with your response...Tomorrow......tomorrow I pick them up! :) Can't wait!
Date: 2/23/2014 9:39:00 AM
This was great and seems so fun...I might try one tonight...I might call it the Ghalitrain.....Tim
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 9:41:00 AM
:) WOW! Thanks EVER so much, Tim. Try to come up with a title with my first name....or my maiden name...though that is LONG...Manassian! ;) Manitrain???? Monomanitrain??? HA HA.. Possibilities are ENDLESS! Thanks for the vote of confidence! Hugs
Date: 2/23/2014 8:58:00 AM
Dear Eileen. Loved it! A name? Maybe.....Quintrain... Anyway you rock poetry! My best, chuck
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 9:03:00 AM
Shucks!!!! Thanks, Chuck! You are so kind!
Date: 2/23/2014 8:52:00 AM
i want to call this eilmonotrain, eileen.. i did a contest once called trinette.. what a superb flow with swaying rhyme.. very powerful write!.. huggs
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 2/23/2014 9:03:00 AM
Thanks, my sweet. You are WAY too good to me! :)