Remorseful
Should I be filled with regret?
When I did what I thought was my best?
Or did I?
Gosh to think how could I have hurt her so
Did I do right by you, I know there were times you were disappointed in me
Oh how I wished you weren't
I felt the hatred for myself burning through my skin and peeling away the layers
I didn't need yours on top of it
I know I may have missed those meetings at the school
I just couldn't bring myself to face myself
And those women with their narrow minded opinions
Those damn clicks I just wanted no part of
God I hated them for making me feel I wasn't good enough
But Now I realize I let me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
God I would sit at home and feel like death rolling in my own crap
Justifying my behavior and knowing I was a failure to my little girl
I was filled with a paralyzing anxiety just being around people made me shrivel up
Hidden in the confines of the house shaking with worry
And to think I had the greatest gift bestowed to me, a child that was mine
Yes all mine and it was my job to raise her up
But I couldn't see past the dark haze that trapped me so
I let this God forsaking disease crush my ability to be there for my child
I sat back and watched someone else do what I should have
And now this pitiful woman has a heavy heart she carries forever
Knowing I lost my daughters respect and my treasure
Copyright © Laura Mckenzie | Year Posted 2013
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