Remembering What I Long To Forget

Tolerant coaxing aided my first hundred starts to rescue you from your own negative dark. I failed and failed while you grew more hurdles. My sanity got trapped in sketchy drawn circles where time left me helpless as you sharpened more false things into outrageous doses of hurtful. Came your broken wrist and me to care for you. I brought hope for all we might joyously mend. First eve, your dimples did not smile or reach your eyes. Still, with hope, I hugged and kissed you good night. Next morn, your bad mood launched commands, demands, accusations and insinuations that tugged my frustrations into poking my anger and I zoom-zoomed beyond my hoped conversation. I startled, then wondered who voiced such aggression that ‘F you’ was spoken aloud to my elderly Mother. It was me, no - I was surely possessed by someone foul and vulgar …. or perhaps I was desperate to convey all your bitterness insisted we senselessly suffer; perhaps … I was desperately reaching out to my treasured Mother, long loved, but now hidden … and missed by all her children and grandchildren. My overwhelmed-self spilled bluntness abruptly. I ache over what I cannot forget whenever it hits me. Since the time of my disrespectful utter, God best soothes my Mom-pieces to someday still gently. At your age, you change all facts around a bit which eases me in living with how you live with it. ... CayCay Jennings October 11, 2018