Remembering Vlad

I first glanced at you Quietly looking away I'll never hold you My selfish declaration I'm not that strong Weaker than I perceived you were Seeing you behind those tiny bars Unable to lift your head from That stained mattress They said "Here, he's yours for the afternoon" I instantly felt all your bones Femur, spine, ribs, and radius Your pooched out belly is all that made that Onesy seem to fit Your sunken distant eyes were the exclamation Of your hunger, not just from food, but beyond Further When one's been touched it's possible To smile at death Hope makes such things possible But it's hope you never met And it was absent from our embrace As we sat on the stone bench in the tall weeds Of the hospital playground The other kids responding w/ laughter And smiles, giggles and games Sticking out their tongues at each other They said you were 4 You had never uttered a word Had yet to eat solid food, you were still Eating baby food You had yet to walk, you were too weak You'd been beaten, though Several times Unwanted, a curse You ground your teeth so loud I wanted to cry I began talking to you about Your future One day talking One day walking Eating solid food You didn't blink, you just stared blank Like I wasn't there Realization crept upon me and Snatched optimism from my bosom Next to where you lay I wept It was MY hope for you That had been hijacked not your own As far as I know you felt nothing I would be back home Within a week As mucous flowed from my nostrils Down the sides of my lip I grappled with my feelings that you Would be dead before I saw My children again My daughter playfully pedals bye Her head tilted back and to the side Bouncing Sandy blonde curls Almost touching the tricycle tires Chubby cheeks squinting eyes Smiling the perfect full baby tooth smile "Watch me daddy!" Riding in circles around the hot fire grill Filled with steak, mushrooms, and peppers "Daddy's watching you, little turkey" My baby is 4 and a half today To have a memorial, there first must be a day of importance