Religion: Hitting Yourself Over the Head With a Hammer

Christianity: “hitting yourself over the head with a hammer so that when you stop it feels so good.” Judaism: “hitting yourself over the head with a hammer because you are a chosen one.” Muslim: “It feels good hitting other people over the head with a hammer.” Hinduism: “Watching everyone else hitting themselves and others with hammers and finding it amusing.” Sikhism: “Letting the Guru hit you over the head with a hammer so that when he stops it feels so good.” Confucianism: “Hitting yourself and your family members over the head with a hammer, in a highly refined manner, for the sake of the community.” Theravada Buddhism: “There is no one to do the hitting, no hammer, no people to hit and it feels horrible.” Mahayana Buddhism: “Telling other people that there is no one to do the hitting, no hammer, no people to hit and it feels horrible.” Vajrayana Buddhism: “There is no one to do the hitting, no hammer, no people to hit and it feels fantastic.” Jainism: “Please stop hurting all the poor hammers!” Rastafarian: “Let’s make a hammer shaped spliff! “ Daoism: “Hitting yourself over the head with hammer without hitting yourself over the head with a hammer.” Masonic: “Let’s sell all these stupid people hammers.”