Relapse

Yule rang in with bells of devastation. I gazed in iced over puddles and silhouettes cast in the fog for days on end in a maddened search for my face or my eyes, but even those were lost in the wreckage. I choked back tears for hours on end before shattering in the shower. Medicated with sex and flirtation. Threw "I love you" in other directions without a spark of adoration. Self-destructed one letter at a time. And now the flame is rekindled by the very same angel. The one with the torch in his hand that illuminates and burns simultaneously. I fear for my very soul because I just can't fortell Whether he will damn me or redeem me. So I relapse. Dive head first into the same dizzying downfall because I would rather be his "baby" for a day than never hear those words again.