Ali K Poet Dramatic Monologue

Regret

What is regret? 
A memory 
Of a thought 
A feeling 
An emotion 
An action 
An inaction? 

I’m really not sure. 
But all I know is
It hurts.

The memory
The thought 
The feeling 
The emotion 
The action 
The inaction.

It tears me apart
From the inside out.
With nowhere to turn.
No way to say 
I am sorry.
No way to sigh with relief.
No way to ask forgiveness.

No. Regret
Is far more complicated.

Than a memory
A thought 
A feeling 
An emotion 
An action or 
An inaction.

It is all encompassing 
And all consuming 
And unrelenting. 

And it sticks with you. 
You see it when you look in the mirror 
Or when you make your coffee
Or when you pour your wine
When you laugh at a joke 
Or grimace at an awkwardness 
It stays with you 
Wanted or not
It’s like an old friend 
And you wear it like 
A scratchy jersey. 

Heavy 
Irritating 
Constantly “there”.
Engulfing you with unwanted warmth.
Sticky.
And needing to shower.

It doesn’t warrant 
An escaping tear 
Or show of emotion
No. 
It warrants truth.
It warrants an awkward silence 
A nod of recognition.
It warrants an apology.

Regret.
A hollow echo of something 
That should or should not have happened.

I really don’t know.
Unfortunately.

But, what I do know,
Is that it hurts. 
And it will continue to hurt 
Until I no longer have breath.

And all I can say
Wholeheartedly 
Is that
I am so sorry.

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