Recurring Thoughts

It’s a recurring thought– Over and over again– echoing in my head, Bouncing back and forth, Reeling up and down like a Yo-yo, Like a boomerang that keeps coming back, Like a song stuck in your head, A thought that gnaws at your will to live, Like an army of termites devouring your soul making you hollow from within, Like the waves of the sea lapping its shore incessantly. A thought nagging my soul, Why not to just shut off everything? Like turning off the lights, turning around and walking away; A thought to strip away all my worries and cares of the world, Like a snake shedding its skin to just wander off leaving behind petty rivalry, envy, jealousy, shallow ties, The strife and the peril, The platitude and the contradiction of life. And to step out renewed, reborn, into a new place with no identity, no name, no past, no expectations for the future – just living for today; As I like. As I please. With no vagaries of life, No yearning for paradise. Walking away folk free unrestricted by time or space, customs, creed or the rules of the law. But this thought Like an active volcano, Ever brewing and rumbling but never erupting, Like a seed sowed with care and nurturing but never sprouting, never coming to fruition. It just keeps kneading and churning Forever bobbling in the doldrum, Performing boondoggle tasks, Bearing the burden of the world like Atlas, Unable to sigh or sneeze, Fearful that a sudden moment, The slightest shift might cause an upheaval in someone’s life. Ah, the woes of life, Why thou linger willy-nilly in my vicinity? Why thou not forsaketh me? Go and befriend the dark, foreboding clouds And burst down over some distant shores. Let some sun shine upon me, For once, let love gather me in her warm embrace, Let me not suffer for having loved too well, Bequeath to me the days rife with joy and mellowed moonlit nights, Let my path run some distance straight and not twist or turn at whim, Let there be spring in my seasons instead of the gray cold and bare winter, Let me rejoice in the day’s toil and earn me the night’s repose, It’s a recurring thought, Over and over again, echoing in my head... Wait just a minute, Didn’t we go over that already?