Realism

I kept searching for it all my life But could not find it. Had always this doubt, why am I giving so much into it ,even after knowing what the real truth is. Everyone need their results... No one wants to know the plight behind it There's always a screaming face behind the elated one. My childhood was all in dark, no red roses or colourful ribbons.... You will only find black sketches and pleas to god ,crying for help.... U might wonder , why didn't I call for someone known...thats even the worse...they always were one sided and overheard my voice... I pray no child goes through such bad phase ..That I have gone through.... I just want peace of mind ...just let me know where to find it. Even if it cost my life , I am ready for it... atleast after a long wait I will get what I want. I don't want to be someone else slave....I want to work for myself... I am not in a position to get seperated and live a life for myself... But I will sure wait for it.... Or may be I will die with this thought. I know the truth...but fail to accept...just want someone to tell its not real...all this is just a dream that will soon get over.