Questioning everything

Dear life or well I was going to say God but well we both know I am not a believer in all that. So, I guess I will just call you the question mark. I spent my whole life being told what I had to believe in this or that and told to keep. my mouth shut and do as I am told. I never did as I was told ever. If I had well this paper would be not be written. For many years I thought I had to live up to everyone's standards on how I should act told to stop writing and focus on the wrong person. Told to keep certain things to myself but when I did then others would get mad. Been called everything under the sun by good "Godly" people. I know I should just get over what had happened to me but we both know that is harder then just snapping of my fingers. Why did you do it to me? Why did you send that person in my life to show me how weak I can be or to test me? It seems my whole life has been nothing but tests. When will the test be over with? I would like to know my grade now. Did I pass or fail? We know that I paid my dues nine months in that dark place because someone decided to put me there. Guess you never thought I would get out of it. You keep sending me people into my life to take them away soon as I get close to them. Who will it be next time? You probably won't tell me just to keep me on my toes. Sooner or later my breaking point will come. The fact that it hasn't yet should show you who i am. Keep throwing those fast balls at me maybe I'll knock you out with one because we both know that I can do it. But I do have to say that I am grateful though for being able to surpass what they thought of me all those years ago. I just wish it didn't come with the this itchy scar. I will tell you one thing I'll keep going on until I can't anymore. I will also keep questioning everything. I might even write some of it down. Catch you later on life. _Jesse