Pull Myself Together
I just want to grab myself,
and shake myself,
until all the sadness in me falls out.
I visualise it,
as dusty pile of crushed velvet threads,
crushed like my very soul.
I want to smile again,
and really mean it but I can't,
because behind every look on my face,
there are my eyes that betray me,
haunting dark circles,
barely containing the deep and brooding swell.
I want to be held and consoled,
but not by anyone but you,
friends have tried to comfort me,
and I am afraid to seem ungrateful,
but I am shaking and falling apart all the time,
so I hide from those that would care.
I want to stop falling,
I feel the wind in my gut,
while my heart randomly surges,
like a fist pushing on my ribs,
it makes me sick and it hurts,
I hurt from many directions.
I want to be yours,
I don't want to own you,
but you can have me,
and do with me as you like,
for I know and trust you,
and you are lovely.
I want closure,
but I am afraid to admit,
that to control this descent.
I would have to let you go,
and I am not ready to,
and I never will be.
Because I love you.
Copyright © Jon K | Year Posted 2017
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