Proving I Am Alive

I never saw myself clearly But smelled my own disappointment For I reeked with it; an acid smell. I tasted Vicks in my mouth When there was none in the house And had not been for years An unfamiliar voice told me I was a loser It came from within; I recognized it not at all But totally too I was a sight, groveling and growling silently I doubt anyone knew; for I kept this wisely silent Away from the eyes of the others And you are all the others I can trust no one. Smelling disinterest and disregard on you As you pass me by not seeing me or my little dog Two I have never recognized my sorrow Or put a name on it Preferring to keep it way down deep Where I put a lid on it You might see me as a party animal with flair Self-confident, and outgoing I scoff at the irony of that As I take out my little friend And watch the red bubbles pop out of my arm As I make little cuts To prove that I am alive And can feel something.