Proving I am Alive
I never saw myself clearly
But smelled my own disappointment
For I reeked with it; an acid smell.
I tasted Vicks in my mouth
When there was none in the house
And had not been for years
An unfamiliar voice told me I was a loser
It came from within; I recognized it not at all
But totally too
I was a sight, groveling and growling silently
I doubt anyone knew; for I kept this wisely silent
Away from the eyes of the others
And you are all the others
I can trust no one.
Smelling disinterest and disregard on you
As you pass me by not seeing me or my little dog Two
I have never recognized my sorrow
Or put a name on it
Preferring to keep it way down deep
Where I put a lid on it
You might see me as a party animal with flair
Self-confident, and outgoing
I scoff at the irony of that
As I take out my little friend
And watch the red bubbles pop out of my arm
As I make little cuts
To prove that I am alive
And can feel something.
Copyright © Caren Krutsinger | Year Posted 2020
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