Priority Report

I came home to find that my door was ajar And someone had stolen my keys and my car “I’ll just get a new one tomorrow,” I said And then told my wife that I’m going to bed She came up behind me and that’s when she said “Am I going mad or have we got no bed?” I told her I’ve not had a bed nicked before But frankly I’m tired… I’ll sleep on the floor Next morning I got up to watch early news The TV was gone and my wife blew a fuse I told her ‘The News’ will just mess with your head Why don’t you play with your iPad instead Her iPad, and mine, had been half-inched as well As had my old Samsung as best I could tell “Let’s call the Police to look out for the thieves,” Was my wife’s idea because she still believes I said, “They might listen to your moans and groans But the robbers have run off with both of our phones.” She shouted, “We’ve got the landline to fall back on!” She reached for the handset to find it was gone “Don’t worry,” I said, “I shall sort it all out, It’s one of those things not to panic about The things that they’ve taken must all be forsaken There’s no point in sulking unless I’m mistaken.” My wife glared at me and said, “Do you not care That, here, where we live, is a house full of air There’s nothing left here and there’s nothing left there.” I answered, “At least they’ve left… the Frigidaire!” I went to the fridge for… well what do you think, I’d had enough ear-ache, I needed a drink I screeched, ‘Baby, go next door, get the cops in… Those horrible bast*rds have stolen my gin!”