Pretend I'M Okay

Welcome to the man with the largest ego on planet earth Thinking I'm gods gift to women, and acting like I'm a hero in a verse Just because I tell a story through my words and rhyme well When I needed it most, my mind failed You can't see depression, so you don't know that I'm living behind cells Sometimes I look back at the old me and think that's not me I paid for my mistakes, you don't want to know how much it cost me My smile turned to tears faster than Usain Bolt runs People taking shots at me, but they don't even hold guns "He's always talking to a new girl" "He should be ashamed of his self-harm scars, he's one man living in a few worlds" "He should leave these girls alone because they deserve the best" He's got anxiety, yet still finds a way to flirt with any woman in a skirt or dress" Little do they know it's a cover up, I need company I suck at being alone In a large crowd I feel anxious, so I just look at my phone Pretending to text I'll just laugh and say it's a text I plan on sending an ex Palms sweating, but I'm out with hopes of mending my chest Just cause I talk and laugh with a female doesn't mean I'm going to bed her My confidence has been killed, so I'm most probably giving her dead words Unable to come up with the lines I used to use back in the day Thought I'd overcome it, but depression is back in my way I act like I'm full of life and happy to be standing free But in my head I'm screaming at old friends, asking why did they abandon me If this is the last poem I write, then you can keep the pencil Maybe I'm not talented enough to meet my potential It hurts to say that, because poetry is what keeps me going at night I've put so much of my pain on paper, maybe I don't want to talk about my hurt in every poem I write Maybe I'm not a great poet, but I don't think I'll ever be done with it Sometimes I just want to rhyme and have fun with it Some say I make targets that I'll never hit Like when I joke I'm trying to marry Alexa Bliss As she's an athlete, maybe she'll wear me out So Ariana Grande might be a better fit But heartbreak is better than having your own loved ones tear you down Every new girl I meet is so fascinated about my past pain They fall in love until I tell them I won't give them my last name I was ready to hide from my problems, but no mask came I was forced to stand up to my demons Alex you need to man up and stop bleeding Clean up the wounds and carry on your path Once the tears are dried there will be more laughs Until I'm better and know what to say I'm just going to pretend that I'm okay