Pretend I'M Okay
Welcome to the man with the largest ego on planet earth
Thinking I'm gods gift to women, and acting like I'm a hero in a verse
Just because I tell a story through my words and rhyme well
When I needed it most, my mind failed
You can't see depression, so you don't know that I'm living behind cells
Sometimes I look back at the old me and think that's not me
I paid for my mistakes, you don't want to know how much it cost me
My smile turned to tears faster than Usain Bolt runs
People taking shots at me, but they don't even hold guns
"He's always talking to a new girl"
"He should be ashamed of his self-harm scars, he's one man living in a few worlds"
"He should leave these girls alone because they deserve the best"
He's got anxiety, yet still finds a way to flirt with any woman in a skirt or dress"
Little do they know it's a cover up, I need company I suck at being alone
In a large crowd I feel anxious, so I just look at my phone
Pretending to text
I'll just laugh and say it's a text I plan on sending an ex
Palms sweating, but I'm out with hopes of mending my chest
Just cause I talk and laugh with a female doesn't mean I'm going to bed her
My confidence has been killed, so I'm most probably giving her dead words
Unable to come up with the lines I used to use back in the day
Thought I'd overcome it, but depression is back in my way
I act like I'm full of life and happy to be standing free
But in my head I'm screaming at old friends, asking why did they abandon me
If this is the last poem I write, then you can keep the pencil
Maybe I'm not talented enough to meet my potential
It hurts to say that, because poetry is what keeps me going at night
I've put so much of my pain on paper, maybe I don't want to talk about my hurt in every poem I write
Maybe I'm not a great poet, but I don't think I'll ever be done with it
Sometimes I just want to rhyme and have fun with it
Some say I make targets that I'll never hit
Like when I joke I'm trying to marry Alexa Bliss
As she's an athlete, maybe she'll wear me out
So Ariana Grande might be a better fit
But heartbreak is better than having your own loved ones tear you down
Every new girl I meet is so fascinated about my past pain
They fall in love until I tell them I won't give them my last name
I was ready to hide from my problems, but no mask came
I was forced to stand up to my demons
Alex you need to man up and stop bleeding
Clean up the wounds and carry on your path
Once the tears are dried there will be more laughs
Until I'm better and know what to say
I'm just going to pretend that I'm okay
Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2018
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