Presence

It's always the worst in the mornings. Waking up, not seeing you there. You used to sleep so peacefully. You were protecting me during the day, I was protecting you during the night. When you were having a bad dream I would embrace you in my arms and you'd calm down right away. Who's protecting you now? I tried so hard to make you see, to make you realize, before it was too late. I did my best to find the right words, the words that would make you understand. But you never did, or didn't want to, you were too stubborn. Just like me. And in the end, it was too late. Why couldn't I find the right words, why didn't you understand sooner? I go to school, I go to work, managing to keep my focus elsewhere. Trying to be firm in my decision. But sometimes I remember you visiting me, remembering how you looked at me while I worked. I remember your words, and how they made me feel. How you made me feel safe. Who's protecting me now? You tried so hard to understand, to make me realize that you understood. You did your best to find the right words, the one sentence to make it all so clear. To make me understand how you really feel. But your hunt for clarity backfired, I didn't understand. I was too stubborn, just like you. Why couldn't you find the right words, why didn't I understand sooner? It's always the worst in the evenings. Going to bed, not seeing you there.