Praying For Carma

i keep sitting here an wondering, of all the times ive tried, to do the best i could, in any an every situation means, or cause.. and that i would be understood.. and ive always done so, to my fullest extent.. but no matter how much i try, its never good enough.. so why keep trying to prove myself? so much over lending an honesty, wasting my precious time, relates, loves, cares, forgives, so much an way to persistently.. but for whom? it will always an never be the same or understood... so why keep trying? the world an i may never no.. i love an give way to often an way to much, so my carma will forever grow.. i do on to others as i would want done to me, i always got the extra mile, getting behind an forever wishing.. again that i could be understood... how selfish an stupid of me, i should never think it, because it will never be.. all my words of advice, or even my whole point of being, seems to be just a wasted space an cause, of time,breath,an energy, honesty an willingness to be, as i want an need to be.. happy and free... but no! it will never be, just that easy,, it will never even be, just that possibly easy to be free, even though you an i want it to be.. but with carma, one day it will prove to be, a test to itself, to redeem, to be free...