Prayer In a Diary

I'm so confused with my life, to many decisions, to many consequences, to much pain and hurt...why wont my mind unclowd itself? Where am I to go, I'm torn between places....unknown territory, or familiar faces. Lost in a world shaded with doubt, there is no one here to help me out. I try to run away from my problems, but there is no where to go I'm stuck inside myself. It feels like I'm standing in a crowd of 1,000 people screaming at the top of my lungs, crying tears of hoplessness...yet no one even turns a head. Nobody asks if I need some help, just a little advice to someone who hasn't seemed to figure out what life's about. Down on my knees now what am I to do? Should I pray to the man in the sky? I think he's a lie, too many people have had to die. Am I next or am I to wait? I don't want to have it be a surprise, I want to know if I'm to die when I close my eyes. So many questions but no answers, there's no one to ask, so I guess it doesn't matter. I'm tired of living this hopeless lie, that's why all I do is cry. I sleep all day so I'm up all night, I don't have to deal with a single person, or lose another fight, nor open another door that has no one inside. I look into your eyes and see into your soul, I wish I could be with you, and let you take control. But once again I'm in my trance and I push another away, so here I am by myself far from okay. I can't seem to trust anyone who comes to near, because I fear they'll hurt me and I'll cry more tears. I Slap people in the face with my poisoned angery tongue, I know it burns deep within their mind leaving scars upon there ego. Someday in this lifetime I hope things will change inside me and in this world, and I'll change into a strong woman and not a scared little girl. Tears will turn to dust for I will not need their company, lies will turn to truth for I don't need a secret identity. Fears will turn to hopes, and dreams to reality, anger turned to joy, and love from infedelity.