Prayer

Every time I see Billy Mays My brain goes into a dark, dark haze. I dream of ways to "dispatch him", Chances of me meeting this jerk So nigh impossible, yet they lurk Inside my usually useless mind This would be my one chance To make a life worth the work, Like using "super-putty" To cling 4 pounds of C-4 On his back And watch him soar Into the stratosphere, To annoy us no more... Or stick "Hercule's Hooks" in his thighs, And throw sharp darts, At his eyes Or make him drink A cocktail made with "Kaboom" And watch him, chuckling, While in the room he did zoom Or dunk him in his miracle tarnish remover, See if he reactes all the sooner As layers of Bullsh_t are stripped away, I wonder , then, what he'd have to say! He screams at me, late at night, To buy his crap, 'cause it is just right To solve problems I don't have And just pay "Shipping ans Handling" And he'll double my salve Where has dignity gone? Surely Billy Mays does not host As a tour-guide on either coast And if aliens did abduct him. Who could blame them for doing us in?