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Poisoned Words

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I CHALLENGED MYSELF TO WRITE A POEM USING 2 SYLLABLES IN EACH LINE - SORRY BUT THE RESULTING POEM IS DARK AND DEEP

You plunged your knife so deep into my heart Piercing cutting stabbing Those words hurt me so so deeply I am bleeding hurting crying There is no way you are ever coming back to hurt me again 12~06~16

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Jannie Breedt

Date: 12/11/2016 6:43:00 PM

Hey Jan, this 2 sylable business is great to illustrate pain or torment. Its a hook and a barb. Like a boxer with a jab and a uppercut. I am going to steal it from you ha ha. Deep poem and it hurts me too

Jan Allison
Date: 12/14/2016 2:15:00 PM

Thanks Jannie I woke up with the idea of writing a flowing poem with just 2 syllables and this was the result:-) hugs Jan xx

Paul Callus

Date: 12/7/2016 5:46:00 PM

Hi Jan:) I popped over to see this example related to your latest contest. This is no usual laughing matter, but a beauty to read! I hope I'll make time to take part; got my hands full at the moment. Hugs // paul

Jan Allison
Date: 12/7/2016 5:52:00 PM

Thanks for dropping by Paul .. its a busy time for us all at the moment. I will do another contest after this one as it seems to be filling rather quickly I only put it on last night!:-) love to all hugs Jan xx

Jean Murray

Date: 12/7/2016 2:25:00 PM

Yummy! Must give it a go.

Jan Allison
Date: 12/7/2016 2:26:00 PM

Any theme you want jean - would prefer serious themes but if you go with humour that's fine:-) hugs jan xx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 12/6/2016 11:00:00 PM

a very good one, Jan, but this is up BW's alley, hardly mine. haha. I just want to do a funny one. But I will TRY to think up a sad story. (I want so bad to do a sad funny one, teehee)

Jan Allison
Date: 12/7/2016 1:55:00 AM

I would prefer serious subjects Andrea but if you want to do a sad funny one that will be fine:-) hugs Jan xx

Mark Paul Van Der Merwe

Date: 12/6/2016 10:48:00 PM

Sad but well written - I am surprised to see you writing about something of this nature - shows your abilities are far reaching - well done Jan Mark

Jan Allison
Date: 12/7/2016 1:54:00 AM

I never know what will flow from my pen Mark:-) I woke up with the idea of challenging myself to write 2 syllables a line to make up a story and it turned out dark and deep. I may try a more upbeat poem:-) hugs jan xx

John Lawless

Date: 12/6/2016 10:38:00 PM

Jan, this could be shape poem given the theme of the first two lines

Jan Allison
Date: 12/7/2016 1:53:00 AM

Thanks John:-) San thought it was shaped a bit like a dagger too:-) hugs Jan xx

David Mohn

Date: 12/6/2016 7:31:00 PM

great example Jan...wonderfully written

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 7:35:00 PM

:-) thanks David:-) I don't know if I've created a new form:-) I could only find footles with 2 syllables - this is just an idea I had when I woke up... the poem is dark and sad but I'm delighted I've had so much positive feedback:-) hugs jan xx

Doug Vinson

Date: 12/6/2016 6:27:00 PM

I like this stuff; beautifully reductive.

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 6:30:00 PM

It's a little different to my usual style I wanted to challenge myself to write a poem using just 2 syllables in each line but not a footle:-) I've put up a contest using this form i hope you give it a try Doug :-) hugs jan xx

Judy Ball

Date: 12/6/2016 5:02:00 PM

Really cleverly done Jan. As for the subject a person can only take being hurt deeply so much and then if they are wise they close the door on that person forever. A very good piece. A seven from me. God Bless, JB

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 5:14:00 PM

Thanks Judy - thankfully its a fiction write for me... I have set up a contest using this form I hope give it a go:-) hugs Jan xx

Deborah Burch

Date: 12/6/2016 3:07:00 PM

I like your new form Jan. Well done. Like the flow...think I'll have a go! Big Hugggs, Deb

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 3:21:00 PM

Thanks Deb I couldn't find a proper name for this form so I thought 'duplex' was quite apt. I look forward to reading your poem - just have fun:-) hugs Jan xx

Darren White

Date: 12/6/2016 2:16:00 PM

The only misplaced word here is the word SORRY... Honestly Jan, it's a GOOD poem!

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 2:20:00 PM

Thank you:-):-) I hope you will have a go at the contest I have just set Darren:-) hugs Jan xx

Nette Onclaud

Date: 12/6/2016 12:12:00 PM

ohh,words cutting like a knife, jan... emotive write from the sepths of your seoil!... huggs

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 12:46:00 PM

Thanks Nette:-) hugs jan xx

Eve Roper

Date: 12/6/2016 11:44:00 AM

Very emotional write, Jan, I'm afraid to come back.... I like it.. those emotions are so true for so many , but still stay in the environment Hugs

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 11:49:00 AM

Breaking away from an abusive relationship must be so hard Eve especially when your self confidence is eroded away:-( hugs jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 12/6/2016 10:46:00 AM

Your knife...takes me...down deep ...within... stirring...past thoughs...that brought... heartache...a fav....dear Jan

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 11:05:00 AM

Thanks Tim - I have no idea where this came from just challenged myself 2 syllables a line and whoosh dark and deep but so totally different from fun footles:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y.

Date: 12/6/2016 10:34:00 AM

WoW! Jan, you most definitely met the challenge in this dark write. It was so intense and you brought the reader into this intense and poisonous piece.Well done. A without a doubt seven- Alexis

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 7:30:00 PM

oh wow that's great Alexis:-) I'm determined not to peek I hope you enjoyed my little challenge!:-) hugs jan xx

Alexis Y.
Date: 12/6/2016 5:08:00 PM

Hey Jan, I already wrote one for your contest. I hope it's what you're looking for:-) Alexis

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 11:04:00 AM

So different from the footle form Alexis - will put up a contest using this form so get thinking:-) hugs Jan xx

Chris Green

Date: 12/6/2016 8:56:00 AM

This was such a cool poem and a brilliant outcome to your personal poetic challenge. Maybe dark but direct and to the point two syllables at a time. Nicely done Jan

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 11:02:00 AM

I will put up a contest later ....Get your thinking cap on Chris:-) hugs Jan xx

Chris Green
Date: 12/6/2016 10:20:00 AM

That sounds like it would be fun and challenging.

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 10:15:00 AM

I think I may set it up as a challenge for a contest Chris:-) hugs Jan xx

Doug Vinson

Date: 12/6/2016 8:56:00 AM

Picture//used much//mascar//a :p

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 10:14:00 AM

Yes I think she overdid the makeup a bit!:-) hugs Jan xx

Daniel Turner

Date: 12/6/2016 8:34:00 AM

Yes, Jan. Words can be like bullets, aimed or not aimed, they're gonna hurt when they hit.. Keep experimenting, it seems to be working:)

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 10:14:00 AM

I am pleased my poem has had so many comments Daniel:-0 hugs jan xx

Mike Hauser

Date: 12/6/2016 7:25:00 AM

Great poetry ! Love the way it comes straight down the page!

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 10:13:00 AM

I think I may set up a contest using this form Mike:-) hugs Jan xx

Probir Gupta

Date: 12/6/2016 6:04:00 AM

Stunning dark ... but powerful poetry ... liked very much

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 6:20:00 AM

Thanks Probir its a little out of my normal style !:-) hugs jan xx

Paloma P

Date: 12/6/2016 5:56:00 AM

Words can surely be toxic and destructive, aptly portrayed in your bled ink. I felt this one Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 6:06:00 AM

Thanks Paloma its so different to my usual style but i thought i would challenge myself with 2 syllables a line .. will stick to fun footles in the future!!:-) hugs Jan xx

Casarah Nance

Date: 12/6/2016 5:50:00 AM

did you take my muse? lol, very nice, dark looks good in your ink. hugs xxx

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 5:56:00 AM

I think reading so many of those depression poems wasn't a good thing lol:-( hugs Jan xx

Stephen Pennell

Date: 12/6/2016 5:24:00 AM

It is very dark, challenge met mind stephen

Jan Allison
Date: 12/6/2016 5:38:00 AM

Not like my normal style lol:-) hugs Jan xx