Please Let Me Go

the illness clung like poison ivy to the foundations of her resolve poisoning hornets injected her wings and she was stung into arrest Maria did not know what was worse the cancer or the failed cure the proud woman now gaunt and cachectic stopped to care which would give her the final release from suffering in dying and beyond the advent of secondaries spelt the death sentence and hope receded as a pragmatist she thought about damage limitation and self-control had hidden a stash of Morphine solution and a few surplus Valiums a gun would be too messy but 'I shall pull the trigger of a giant syringe' I need to survive until Linda’s birthday Anna’s graduation my wedding anniversary have to stay strong for Cecil a few more days won’t hurt me although nausea delirious confusion suggested otherwise she had arranged her final affairs planned a funeral party and cremation Highway to Hell instead of Stairway to Heaven for she would not change her atheist beliefs because of the threat of a punitive reaper that disgusted her after death I shall be survivor in memories only and the show must go on she remembered that first kiss tying the knot the Harley in India the memoirs she wrote saved files and photos on a computer's eternity after the hardware would crash I -cloud her link to the past and the future an un-changeable PDF document as much as they can for narratives write themselves in of posthumous beholders her last concerns were that she'd be too weak to connect cannula and plunger that kidneys liver heart gave up before she would call in the ultimate sojourn that somebody deposed the body folded her hands of course not in any prayer but for she valued symmetry balance harmony over doubt and contradictions Maria won her terminal battle right of her passage proud in victory had the last laugh when the hypodermic needle eased her beautiful consciousness into nothingness 12th June 2021