Kai Michael Neumann | + Follow Poet |
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Please Let Me Go

the illness clung like poison ivy to the foundations of her resolve

poisoning hornets injected her wings and she was stung into arrest

Maria did not know what was worse the cancer or the failed cure

the proud woman now gaunt and cachectic stopped to care which

would give her the final release from suffering in dying and beyond


the advent of secondaries spelt the death sentence and hope receded

as a pragmatist she thought about damage limitation and self-control

had hidden a stash of Morphine solution and a few surplus Valiums 

a gun would be too messy but 'I shall pull the trigger of a giant syringe'


I need to survive until
 
	Linda’s birthday

		Anna’s graduation

			my wedding anniversary

				have to stay strong for Cecil

a few more days

	won’t hurt me
 
		although nausea

			delirious confusion

				suggested otherwise


she had arranged her final affairs planned a funeral party and cremation

Highway to Hell instead of Stairway to Heaven for she would not change

her atheist beliefs because of the threat of a punitive reaper that disgusted her

after death I shall be survivor in memories only and the show must go on


she remembered
 
	that first kiss

		tying the knot

			the Harley in India

				the memoirs she wrote


saved files and photos on a computer's eternity after the hardware would crash

I -cloud her link to the past and the future an un-changeable PDF document

as much as they can for narratives write themselves in of posthumous beholders


her last concerns were that she'd be too weak to connect cannula and plunger

that kidneys liver heart gave up before she would call in the ultimate sojourn 

that somebody deposed the body folded her hands of course not in any prayer

but for she valued symmetry balance  harmony over doubt and contradictions


                                                Maria won her
 
                                     terminal battle

	              right of her passage

	  proud in victory
		
had the last laugh


when the hypodermic needle eased her beautiful consciousness into nothingness 
			

12th June 2021

Copyright © Kai Michael Neumann | Year Posted 2021

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Linda Milgate Date: 7/7/2021 11:20:00 AM Wonderful caring poem and something many of us have contemplated. Expressed in a kind and accepting manner. Login to Reply

Christuraj Alex Date: 7/1/2021 7:39:00 PM but for she valued symmetry balance harmony over doubt and contradictions Beautiful. Congratulations! Login to Reply

David Kavanagh Date: 6/12/2021 2:57:00 PM A difficult but essential write Kai, you say it as the unfortunate one sees it, detail is cold and clinical, euthanasia is sometimes the last card we have to play, some think from the bottom of the deck, but what do they know, Maria wanted finality on her own terms, your poem suggests she got it, conflicting sad and happy ending, cheers David Login to Reply Kai Michael Neumann Date: 6/13/2021 10:01:00 AM Thank you David. I have mostly watched such battles from a doctor's perspective. Could hide my feelings behind a professional veneer, but somehow I had to write this piece. Kind wishes, Kai

L Milton Hankins Date: 6/12/2021 10:56:00 AM Wow, Kai, this is an amazingly powerful, vivid piece of work, chronicling the last days of one succumbing to cancer. I lived it with my wife. You have done a magnificent job here, friend. Login to Reply Kai Michael Neumann Date: 6/13/2021 10:02:00 AM I am sorry to hear about your wife. I am wishing you all peace and comfort.