Please Help Me

I'm not sure when it started, or why it is so strong. On the outside I seem happy. No one thinks anything's wrong. But on the inside I am dying, screaming for someone to see That the happy smile and carefree laugh is not the real me. I've never been happy, not that I can recall. Between the world and myself I've built up a bullet wall. to block the world out, far away from me so i am left alone just to be me I don't know why I'm like this, it makes no sense to me. I actually come from a very close and loving family. But even they have no idea of the hell I endure. They think I'm happy and normal; of this I am sure. I can't take it much longer, I can't live like this! I want to feel just happy, that is my biggest wish. I need help, but who will help me? Who could understand? Is there anyone out there who can help bring this to an end? Or am I simply trapped, a prisoner of despair? Am I really all alone? Is there no hope for me out there? I'm so lost, please help me! I can't do this alone! I need someone in my corner, so i'm not all alone my own. Please help me.