Pink Perforated Ping Pong Balls
Alfie was the first son of a billionaire
Who bought a golden cradle for his son and heir
There was no expense that daddy wouldn’t spare
And perforated ping pong balls didn’t feature there
On Alfie’s one year birthday daddy thought of Alfie’s birth
And wondered what gift he would choose from anything on Earth
He told his son, “Please tell me, for I’d really like to know.”
And Alfie said in childish speak, “Pee perty peepo bow.”
But when he was just three years old young Alfie had progressed
His father bought him diamonds, gold and everything that’s best
Yet Alfie looked on unimpressed for pride precedes all falls
He said, “I’d rather like pink, perforated, ping pong balls.”
At five years old, his father said, “You’re five my dearest son.
Tell me what you want from me for you’re my favoured one.”
He said, “As it’s your birthday, I could buy Niagara Falls.”
But Alfie said, “Pink perforated ping pong balls.”
And Alfie’s wishes never changed; his wish remained the same
At twenty-one he married and his in-laws gawped in shame
He thanked them for the gifts but said, “Could no-one heed my calls?
Toasters simply ain’t pink, perforated, ping pong balls.”
At fifty, Alfie’s ageing dad said, “You have been my life.
Your mother loves you, so do I, as does your special wife.
You’ve never asked for riches or for stuff from shopping malls
All you ever ask for is those perforated balls.
“So tell us, after all this time, why all our gifts displease,
When anybody else would be the mouse that got the cheese.”
Alfie said, “I don’t need all the riches that you think;
Just perforated ping pong balls, in just one colour… pink!”
But even in advanced old age his wish was never granted
Not even by his darling wife with whom he stayed enchanted
Once she bought him both the Albert and Westminster Halls
To which he said, “They’re not pink perforated ping pong balls.”
And when the doctor gave him news that meant his time was near
Alfie simply nodded and displayed no hint of fear
His wife said, “Folk need cheering up when news like this appalls.”
Alfie told her, “Bring pink perforated ping pong balls.”
Ultimately, Alfie spent his final days in bed
His body was so weak he had a job to raise his head
He muttered, “All men have to face their final curtain calls
And for my final wish?.. Pink perforated ping pong balls.”
His wife said, “Darling, since we wed you could have had it all,
Yet all you ever asked for is that bright pink holey ball.
Please tell me now my darling, while there’s time, for I’m your wife
Why this has been your dearest wish for all of your long life.
“You know the saying’s wrong, there are no ears inside these walls
So what is it about Pink Perforated Ping Pong Balls?”
He said, “Okay, I’ll tell you,” and with that she almost cried
And then she did exactly that… when poor old Alfie…..
…..
Died!
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