Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells
~ to the tune of 'Jingle Bells,' please ~
Tushies slide, what a ride
slipping on the ice
All we need’s a beaming bride
and a few bouquets of rice
Where’s the groom, in his room
with Cinderella’s mice
Stitching up a triple-plus size
for his buxom bride’s bo-som… ooom!
It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa’s drunk
so he can be the preacher
Administer last rites instead of I do’s
come morn, he’s ‘Rudolfo Screecher’
O, Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells
they’re the tunes we croon
When the bride screams, ‘What?’
Spooks begin to strut ~
by the light of a cardboard Moon
O, Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells
the only songs we sing
When the bride cries, ‘Wha hoppened?’
We tell her, Popcorn’s Poppin’ ~
for her wedding meal next June
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