Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells

~ to the tune of 'Jingle Bells,' please ~ Tushies slide, what a ride slipping on the ice All we need’s a beaming bride and a few bouquets of rice Where’s the groom, in his room with Cinderella’s mice Stitching up a triple-plus size for his buxom bride’s bo-som… ooom! It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa’s drunk so he can be the preacher Administer last rites instead of I do’s come morn, he’s ‘Rudolfo Screecher’ O, Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells they’re the tunes we croon When the bride screams, ‘What?’ Spooks begin to strut ~ by the light of a cardboard Moon O, Pickle Balls and Paddle Bells the only songs we sing When the bride cries, ‘Wha hoppened?’ We tell her, Popcorn’s Poppin’ ~ for her wedding meal next June