Personal Ad

Personal Ad -Advertisement-Article- (In need of something a little bit different) I'm looking for a female with a personality other than herself Someone different from me. Tranquilized, homogenized and light Traumatized by clowns and cotton candy This individual should be alive at the time of this printing You must come with instructions and triple A batteries A turn off valve and buttons that say "off" are essential This candidate needs a mouth, a nose and an eye At least one, two would be preferable, three would be scary Four would be excessive. Five would be ridiculous. I pay by the hour not by the eye A head and ears are optional Weight and height are your choice The perfect candidate should be clearly invisible Not hatched from an egg or manufactured in a mold Make-up is required. There is no such thing as too much. You must have good grades in math and take baths You will be required to do my taxes and make sandwiches I will pay you for your services with salted crackers I am looking for a purely platonic relationship One that has no strings attached Marionettes need not apply. If you own pliers you can be my dentist A person with low to no self esteem is perfect I expect to hear from you but only if you speak Once I get a phone, a shelter and my memory back With a copy of my completed income tax You will be considered a person of interest And not much more.... Unless you do windows Then we can explore