Perpetual Torment Collaboration With Laura Loo
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This is dedicated to all those who have been affected by suicide. If you are suffering there are many places that can help, including helplines, support groups and doctors. These can be found via google searches or your doctar can guide you.
Thank you to Laura for collaborating on this very important topic.
i
I sleep no more and live in constant shame,
living on the edge with only desolation to blame-
I exist just to suffer with remorse and regret,
for all those childhood touches I shan’t forget.
Blood rushes through my veins just to dry,
I was conceived out of hate, built upon a lie.
I feed off of guilt; for dirty souls can’t find soap,
my foul essence hasn’t found a way to cope.
Shall I leave a farewell letter to those I love the most?
Soon I shall become nothing but a withering ghost.
Forgive me for the blood I shed I know not repose,
for life is but a shadowed grave devoid of a red rose.
I fear the worst, that hell will be my coming fate,
considering all my sins and most of all self-hate.
I cry black tears and wipe them away with despair,
this world is not for me, my life just isn’t fair.
So many reasons not to live, only one reason to die,
it’s that I know not why I am living this miserable lie.
Freedom outside my cave doesn’t exist anymore,
I live in brooding wretchedness, constant abhor.
Spiritual apathy has become my morning and night,
blinded by my disregard for the way I lost my sight.
One last time I drink this bottle and take these pills,
swallow all my heartache waiting for death to fulfil.
My eyes slowly close; I am drifting off to sleep,
praying for redemption with this secret that I keep.
Forgive me lover for taking my own life in vain,
my life was just too pathetic, full of pity and pain.
Indecent and lewd, I’ve become sin personified,
walking along the edge of reason, craving suicide.
ii
Three months since your soul left for another place,
oh my love how these eyes yearn to see your face.
I know you said in this world you do not belong,
but I feel it was me who did something wrong.
Everywhere I go, all I hear is our song,
so tell me how am I supposed to be strong?
I can still remember your last sober kiss
but now these lips linger in a tasteless abyss.
Your fingertips altered the beats of my heart,
the absence of your voice tears my world apart.
It kills me inside I was twenty minutes late,
if on time, you would not have suffered such a fate.
I promised you that I would always be there,
tell me baby, why did you leave without a care?
I thought I could save you from that demonic voice,
but I failed, as you felt you had no better choice.
My heart feels hollow, abandoned in sorrow,
each day is dark, there is no hope in tomorrow.
They say you're a coward, but they don't understand,
your childhood of horror was no innocent wonderland.
I sit alone watching clouds float by in peace,
wondering if your pain will now finally cease.
All those special moments we used to share,
now this existence seems so cold and bare.
Your haunting ghost has left my mind in despair,
as I ponder if there is an end to this nightmare.
Silent One collaboration with Laura Loo
28 December 2017
Copyright © Silent One | Year Posted 2017
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