Parenthetical Paradox

i am a broken down clown living my life like a silent film moving quickly with no direction as i apply the makeup to my life's gymnastics, i begin to see the signs of corrosion and deterioration i sit and think of her as everybody in the world that has ever loved me despite my flaws and my faults i make a small but explorable incision in the centermost part part of my gut to see if anything exists there still i realized immediately but tardily that i have not worked hard to become financially comfortable but worked smart to be unabashedly afraid