Paradox

Seeking therapy for my self created problem, Antidepressants to help deal with the pain of all that's ever happened, Now no place to call home. I think and think of what I've done wrong, But did I really do anything wrong to get me where I am today? Is being honest a crime so that I would be cast out of house and lives? All the while suffering and despair cloud my mind, I can't make a rational decision to save my life. The one that I love does not love me anymore, I do not know if I've really changed that much, the perception of what I say and do has. My future is uncertain and it's hard to think about anything else. I desire to be loved and in my struggle return that love for which I hope one person will have for me. How long till I can feel this? Hoping any decision I make will not be scrutinized due to opinion. Wishing that all this pain and suffering of being separated from my wife and child will cease. This paradox unfortunately is reality. Created not just by myself but also by the one I love. Event horizon to a singularity sucking all life and thoughts from what I am. What can I do to end this turmoil? So much life and beauty in this world. So much death and destruction in this world. Craving to be content and happy at the same time seems to be so far fetched at this point in my life. Yet I must do what I can to remain optimistic. Oh sun, oh moon, oh stars and mother earth I beg you to take me back to the origin of all creation. That I might become a drop of dew or a cloud in the sky or a snowflake. Recycled, recirculated but never feeling dead inside. At least being these I never cease to exist for all know who I am. But now it seems, all that I've shared my life with, want to forget me. And being forgotten is better than not existing at all.