Panic

I'm not sure where I am sometimes Mentally. I Lose the line between whats fiction and Reality. I look around the room after moments of being thoughtless, just to realize i never left and the keys still in my pocket. I chase the shadows from the walls and watch them disappear in to the cracks I scream at the door, my heart is racing, they call them "Panic attacks" I rewrite these same passages in books that over flow , Each one is slightly different that i can't just let them go. I Call my mother bawling and I can't find the strength to stand I'm Sobbing on the floorboards with a blade within my hands, I count the seconds that turn into minutes turning them over in my mind, I know Shes on her way but what if she doesn't get here in time?! I'm lost, I can't see because this once brightly lit room its littered with spots of black, I can't remember how to breathe each breaths coming out is gasps. Every thing is tight and I feel like i'm suffocating, Like a ropes around my neck and my feet are beneath me hanging. I try to take deep breaths and i feel the fire in my lungs, Burning me with every inhale another scream leaps from my tongue, I Call Justin Crying and I Don't even know what happened, One minute i was fine the next i heard someone else's fingers tapping. I found myself confined to the room that keeps me safe, That same room is the room i now can't escape.. I'm Dialing 911 and my hands are shaking so bad the phone is Blurry. I'm yelling at myself "Mom, I need You, Please get here, Please Hurry!" I'm terrified, I'm running so many Scenarios through my head, I Feel just like a child, Afraid from the monsters beneath my bed. I can hear the van outside, I hear foot steps in the hall, Then all at once the Noises stop like they were never there at all! I open the door to an embrace that brings my back to Reality. I'm so ing sorry.. Because Loving Me Is A Tragedy.