Painfully numb

She stares into nothing, Like when she looks in the mirror. Not recognising what she’s seeing, She used to see things clearer. The clearness became distorted, It became everything she feared. And all that fear had left her haunted, Wondering if it’ll ever disappear. She wished the pain away because she didn’t feel she deserved it, But now she feels emotionless, just wishing to reverse it. Now she’d do anything to feel again the pain she felt inside, Cause although it hurt for her to feel at least she felt alive. So how does a girl just turn so numb? Could it be from all the trauma that she’s suffered from? She’s always healing parts of herself that other people break, When all she’s ever wanted was to just feel loved and safe. She’s lost so much; that there’s not much left to lose, She even lost herself because she let herself be used. She could sleep and sleep but she’d still wake up tired, No amount of sleep will help a mind that’s never quiet. She doesn’t want to hurt the ones around her that she loves, But every day she feels as though she hates what life’s become. She needs the ones she leaves behind to know she knew they cared, That no matter how alone she felt, She knew they were always there. Even after she’d put them through hell, They still picked her up every time she fell. She’s grateful they stayed when she knew they could’ve ran, She’s grateful they always tried and did the best they can. She knows they’ll all be sad she’s gone, But she hopes they’ll understand. She’ll no longer feel lost and torn, In a world where she felt so scared.