Packing and Unpacking Pain
Pack his suitcase,
say goodbye.
Tears don't even
reach my eye
"Come back safely.
Do take care."
Then he's gone, and
I'm left there
Give a smile, and
don't complain
What's the use?
Just bear the pain
Hours of empty,
voiceless time!
Countless trips
should be a crime.
Time to clean, for
he'll be back.
All I've left
is paltry snack.
Home a while then
off again
It's his job
to save from sin
Pack his suitcase,
then unpack.
There's no way
to get time back
Special times just
gone amiss.
Rushed goodbyes,
and hurried kiss
Weeks and months,
yes, years go by.
Getting old,
and soon I'll die
When I'm gone
I'll be at rest
No pack/unpack
No empty nest
Let another
stay behind;
someone else
he's sure to find,
but I know that
she'll complain.
He won't go
to keep her sane
I hope one day
he'll come to see
what he did
was cruel to me
Lonely days that
merged to nights.
Sighs and tears...
It was not right
Too late he'll know
he broke my heart.
Those trips he took?
That time apart?
Broke me, killed me,
stole my life
"Work is second!
First is wife!"
The simple truth
he could not see.
Now there's nothing
Left of me.
Eileen Manassian
In way of explanation: both my husband and I work for our church organisation, and he has a leadership role which necessitates travel to the countries in the Middle East and North Africa. He has to travel. It's part of his job description, but it doesn't make it any easier for me, especially since I work full time and am a caregiver to my 88 year old dad who had alzhiemers. If we want to get retirement benefits, we need to keep working for the organisation, so... there is that. I'm just tired of it.. that's all. I've been alone so many times...depression sets in before he travels and while he's away. It's been this way for years. I read him the poem today :(. He knows I'm posting it. To be fair... he's cut down on some of it because of my mental health. There is a spouse allowance for travel, but the timing doesn't coincide with my teaching scedule and I can't leave dad anyway. This is just a angst filled reflection on how it feels to be lonely.
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