Open wound

You are an open wound In the depths of my memory. Years down the line, Your actions still haunt me. Never have I healed From the wound that you left. It’s oozed and infected But I cover it up. It helps not seeing you; Pretending you’re not real. But that’s not healing, Only outright denial. That we were friends. That you plunged the knife. Twisted it deep And left. All the blame was put on me. In my fragile broken mess, You tossed me to the ground. You trampled me down Instead of building me up. You played victim and laughed As I cracked around the edges. I kept forgiving and you hated that; You wanted someone to scream And tell you this is wrong. You wanted retaliation. You never got it. I kept forgiving and you loved that; You were being accepted Despite all the harm caused. You continued your actions Knowing you hurt me. You wanted someone to never give up. And you were getting that. Denial is fine For a period of time, But its denying your existence That affects my life. It erases a piece of me That was watching me grow. It takes away memories I used to be fond of. The ones I can’t think back on With feeling the pain. You were the first Toxicity I met And I remember clearly The memory that broke me. On a night before an exam You broke me at 4a.m. Lies upon lies, Knowing I’d believe them all. Face wet and salty And unable to breathe As you tell me you wanted To find my breaking point. For someone so forgiving, It was hard for you to imagine I had one at all. I don’t speak of it often, But you destroyed me that night. A piece of me left And I can’t get it back. All I wanted was friendship But you never gave me the chance. You were chasing me away Before it even began. You were the first Toxicity I met. One I never planned To let go of. I saw in you something That longed to be saved. I wanted to help. In the end, I let go But not by my choice. When you left It was relief. And what’s when I knew. You broke me So it took longer to grow. Sometimes I wish you stayed. But then those memories Come flooding back. I don’t wish you stayed. I’m happy you’re still gone. I can hardly breathe When your name comes up. The tension in my heart Is a discomfort I never wanted to know. I’m glad you never stayed. I just wish you could see How I grew with you gone. You are an open wound That I cover up Because if I don’t My reality will crash And that wound will kill me.