One on one with my father

#One_on_one_with_my_father Expectations and reactions fusses my here and now mental and emotional state, like two giants bloating my tinny inner self, the fighting is real, pity I was never taught how to react. I try to control myself, so to not display the anger and excitement concoction brewing inside me But my eyes chose to leak, these are not tears but years of trapped reactions for a father figure and now my body catches tremors from inside and now all my body trembles. I don't know what to say and how, words too fears to part my mind, I try to hold back my tears. I hum the pain of years void and lacking All that comes out is" I forgive you and grateful that God permitted this moment". Maybe I'm too weak for the man body, I carry but I think I'm too human than a man. In this moment I live, feeling numb part of heart coming to live, the void in my brain filled, I think I have met my remake, a chance to say Tate(what I call him) and be responded back, a chance to have this close range , even to shake hands , I'm now complete as son and man to this world, A one on one with my father, one with reality, one with hope, one with oneness, at last like others I have finally met wholeness, a rarity in every black child's life, wonder if indeed wishes are granted when the creator permits. This is a one on one , my own, one on one with my father #Poetic_Ink