Once Again
My heart stopped beating with hers-
for we were connected by blood and
tears.
If only Karen was here…
once again.
Yes, I could pick anyone in the
entire universe; I know this.
Yet, one million times I’d pick
my sister over and over until
there were no more numbers
in the world to count.
“Karen-
you’re the magic that holds the
stars up in the sky.
You decided to trade places with an
angel far too young and now the
empyrean Eden called Heaven is
graced with your presence.”
You ask me why she would be the
one person I would absolutely beg
God to send back to me-
(and believe me I have...
...many times).
I will say to thee in a gentle hush
with a tender tear in my weary eye,
my life began with her and ended
when she decided to run and die.
Why she chose to die I may never
comprehend-
or maybe I do understand all too
well, and that could be the problem.
Years of youthful abuse sent her on
a whirlwind of adolescent turmoil.
By the time she reached thirty she
was so severely damaged,
but I always saw the beauty in her
scars-
you know, the ones others saw as
repulsive…
nope, they weren't to me.
She wore those scars with pride.
Hid them in public but when we
were together her wounds were
too prominent to forget.
Though she lived in continual
desolation for years,
she was still the one to make my
soul shine when ebon nights
called my name.
If only God gave me one more
day with her-
no...
just one more moment.
If only I could look into those big
doe chestnut eyes once more,
I’d think to myself,
“maybe this time will be different,
maybe I could finally save her
from herself-
the way she saved me many a time”.
She held me first after my mother
gave birth to me when my daddy
was too drunken to even want to
meet me.
She changed my diapers when mother
was too preoccupied fighting with
daddy-
night after endless night.
I passed grade school because of her
patience in doing homework with me;
I learned how to cook and do laundry
at a young age not because I had to,
but because she took the time to teach
me.
I now carry such deep adoration for
dogs because she gave such a warm
and loving home to eleven of them up
until the day she tragically died.
I did receive one special gift from her
after she died-
Her sweet Golden Retriever Bo became
part of my family of four overnight.
I gently rubbed his ears every night
when he seemed lost without his
mumma;
he tenderly gave me slobbery kisses
when I seemed lost without my sister.
For we both shared a common pain-
we would never see our best friend…ever again.
When I read this contest title today at
5:02 pm, only one person came to mind.
Without a doubt and with all the
certainty I carry deeply in my heart,
I would welcome Karen back into my
life with gratitude if given the chance.
Then maybe,
just maybe…
I could smile-
once again.
I will say to thee in a gentle hush
with a tender tear in my weary eye,
my life began with her and ended
when she decided to run and die.
*sorry this is so long...I just couldn't stop my muse.*
Who Would You Bring Back in A Heartbeat Poetry Contest
Caren Krutsinger
October 5, 2018
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