Once Again

My heart stopped beating with hers- for we were connected by blood and tears. If only Karen was here… once again. Yes, I could pick anyone in the entire universe; I know this. Yet, one million times I’d pick my sister over and over until there were no more numbers in the world to count. “Karen- you’re the magic that holds the stars up in the sky. You decided to trade places with an angel far too young and now the empyrean Eden called Heaven is graced with your presence.” You ask me why she would be the one person I would absolutely beg God to send back to me- (and believe me I have... ...many times). I will say to thee in a gentle hush with a tender tear in my weary eye, my life began with her and ended when she decided to run and die. Why she chose to die I may never comprehend- or maybe I do understand all too well, and that could be the problem. Years of youthful abuse sent her on a whirlwind of adolescent turmoil. By the time she reached thirty she was so severely damaged, but I always saw the beauty in her scars- you know, the ones others saw as repulsive… nope, they weren't to me. She wore those scars with pride. Hid them in public but when we were together her wounds were too prominent to forget. Though she lived in continual desolation for years, she was still the one to make my soul shine when ebon nights called my name. If only God gave me one more day with her- no... just one more moment. If only I could look into those big doe chestnut eyes once more, I’d think to myself, “maybe this time will be different, maybe I could finally save her from herself- the way she saved me many a time”. She held me first after my mother gave birth to me when my daddy was too drunken to even want to meet me. She changed my diapers when mother was too preoccupied fighting with daddy- night after endless night. I passed grade school because of her patience in doing homework with me; I learned how to cook and do laundry at a young age not because I had to, but because she took the time to teach me. I now carry such deep adoration for dogs because she gave such a warm and loving home to eleven of them up until the day she tragically died. I did receive one special gift from her after she died- Her sweet Golden Retriever Bo became part of my family of four overnight. I gently rubbed his ears every night when he seemed lost without his mumma; he tenderly gave me slobbery kisses when I seemed lost without my sister. For we both shared a common pain- we would never see our best friend…ever again. When I read this contest title today at 5:02 pm, only one person came to mind. Without a doubt and with all the certainty I carry deeply in my heart, I would welcome Karen back into my life with gratitude if given the chance. Then maybe, just maybe… I could smile- once again. I will say to thee in a gentle hush with a tender tear in my weary eye, my life began with her and ended when she decided to run and die. *sorry this is so long...I just couldn't stop my muse.* Who Would You Bring Back in A Heartbeat Poetry Contest Caren Krutsinger October 5, 2018