On the Other Side of Tomorrow
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOMORROW.
Having beat down insomnia with sleeping pills
and feeling that I am floating freely,
enclosed within a foam filled
crest of a cloudy salt laden wave,
I am both here and there curled up and fetal.
Suddenly without warning I am pulled down by a swirl of a contentious riptide
my mind struggles in panic with my mortality and I wonder-
will I see the surface again.
Will I awaken on the other side of tomorrow?
A parchment unfolds into another day
The writing is unclear and mysterious
In between I swallow and choke on the bitterness and tears
that flood my eyes and burning that makes everything look murky.
Day into day, night into night…the same. What is it?
Can I conceive my own reality and
will this ongoing depression be how my life will end?
Will I awaken on the other side of tomorrow?
Biting into the memory of my past, there are morsels of joy and happiness.
What caused the sweet taste to morph into rancid bread crumbs?
Contemplation, meditation do little to console. The inevitable drought and hunger
are meticulously grinding away at my psyche. I am becoming
a walking heretical invalid wrestling with ideas of conception and purpose.
Will I awaken on the other side of tomorrow?
Depressives have no answer. They take each day and
play the snakes and ladders of the boards up and downs;
but fate in the form of dice is already determined.
It is a jack in the box surprise when the wind up tune
causes our emotions to stumble and grumble
and act out in a crazy dance
like one sees in a Jerry Lewis movie and I think…
Will I awaken on the other side of tomorrow?
In memories, I hold the half truths of beliefs.
They define me and oppress me. Sometimes they
nurture me. Mostly I am indifferent and solemn to their meaning.
Each day drifts along and along And I think…
here I am on the other side of tomorrow, but does it really matter?
CAK 4-16-2015
Copyright © Allan Koven | Year Posted 2015
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