Not I Am Though I Am

I hated myself for disgracing myself more than I should, I looked upon everything under the sun with jaundiced eyes, and even tried to ignore long established ethical standards that of the foundation for existence of human society—it doesn’t matter if it’s of a certain nation or society; religious group; civilization, tribal traditions or history. I wonder where this negative mindset came from, and why I am so biased of everything surrounding me and walk dragging baggage of those contorted ideas on the ground. In fact, a woman who looks more villainous and uglier than Medusa wrapped in gaudy attire trimmed with vulgar accessories dances under sparkling light shaking her odious body like mad and she looks so pathetic that tears stand in my eyes. A man who looks more grotesque and frightening than the gargoyles of Notre Dame walks with great strides under the bright sun throwing out his breast but I cannot conceive the rationale for the pride of that ugly man, my unconscious mind becomes accustomed to disallow everything I see anywhere at all. I hate myself because I should be unconcerned with the corrupt world matters and accept the world as it is for life is as such, yet, whatever reason that may be, I couldn’t accept the world as it is. Although I know the word compromise very well, I distort the meaning of it and interprete as submission and regard assent as a synonym of subordination I wonder why my thought became twisted thus far and that is why I feel miserable, and think myself not, though I am.