Not Fade Away

Big man Strong man Barrel chested Smiling faced Hearty man Where have you gone? I watched you get into that bed A few short weeks ago But you have disappeared And I don’t know when you went Your laughter was first to go That fruity chuckle That warmed and cheered Fell silent first Then your conversation Once a source of knowledge Wisdom and sardonic wit Dried up like a drought stricken lake Your sentences grew shorter Disjointed and inarticulate Until they were no more Then you began to fade Like a picture going out of focus When you opened your eyes And I looked in them I saw no one looking back The spark had gone You had gone When had you gone? We didn’t say goodbye As I looked at the withering shell In its unconscious state I heard the groans, as the pain cut deep Through the morphine In the slow agonizing transition From man to corpse I cannot pick the moment At which you were no more But it was days before rather than hours When the essential you left When that which made you, you, was no more I hoped you were not in there Suffering Dying by inches God I hoped not What savages we are To inflict this end on a human being We would not do it to our favourite pet We would not treat a dog like this Yet I let it happen to this man What indignity What inhumanity What kind of son am I? I will not go this way I will not fade away I will not vanish Before my loved ones eyes I will say my goodbyes I will smile before I go I will go on my terms I will go by my own hand