Mona Ebel Poet Free verse

No Regrets

You wanted me
You were relentless in your pursuit
But I was skeptical
We had been friends for some time and I wanted keep it 5hat way.
Platonic was safe
You knew where I stood
I had explained to you that I was saving myself until I got married
I had made an oath to God and to my self
That I wouldn’t defile my body
I wasn't going to be common knowledge anymore.
Promiscuity was a thing of my past
I was that far removed

Remember, i shared my life story with you
That should have made you the wiser
But it only served to make your desire for me grow
So I warned you
I came with a caution label
Count the cost before getting involved.with me
I' am a complex and profound woman
None of it mattered to you 
You expressed that you wanted to build a life with me
You assured me you understood 
You promised to respect my boundaries
So I took a chance on us

We kissed and held hands
I thought it was beautiful
And I thought you did too. 

Until you started to feel entitled
Things weren’t evolving as fast as you predicted
And things got awkward
The passive-aggressive behavior you exhibited
You didn't say the things you meant and you didn't mean the things you said
After everything I shared with you
I fileted my soul and invited you to my inner world
You got insight into the deep
You had front row seats into the movie of my past
I took your hand in mine and led you through chambers of things better left forgotten
You were given a gift
But you bludgeoned it
The intell that you received got corrupt
Then you took occassion and grabbed your crotch
And grumblàáed that your balls were blue and ached
All in the form of suggestion as if your ruse would cause me to take up the false responsibility 
As if it was my fault and it was up to me to correct it.
That is not what this is all about

You turned freedom into obligation
And created a chasm expecting me to figure out how to cross over it
You inverted the situation
And tried to gaslight me
I have dealt with hundreds of men just like you
You know this
I've been through hell and came back intact
Not even sulfur can be smelt on my clothes
But I do have scars

They are the scars that bear witness to battles I’ve fought and won
I’ve been forged in the fire
I am a warrior

“How about this…” I suggest
“Go take a cold shower”
And you took offense in that!
But you lied to me
You got yourself aroused
You want all the benefits of marriage without making the vows
You resorted to watching **** 
The volume muted on your phone
And thought I was stupid
The distance you created between us
Miles away 
As you watched naked women on your phone
Shouldn’t I have been the one offended?

As a little girl I dreamt of marriage and true love
Not fulfilling the duties of a wife with a boyfriend
I was innocent
Incapable of dreaming that I’d have to settle and play house with someone I’d never marry

I had my fair share of heartache
I had known many men
And I was bankrupt, used and tired.
I gave the best years of my life to compromise
Nothing could convince me to go back on my word
Not now

I remained faithful to my vow 
I can’t tell you how glad I am for doing it
I would have hated myself 
If I gave in to your pressure
After it was all said and done it would have been too late
You would have got the one thing you wanted and I would still be unmarried
I’d be left with the emptiness that follows 
But…
I didn't sell out
I know that my body is a temple

It’s true
I am well in my fifties
I have yet to experience the beauty of covenant marriage
But I still believe it’s possible

Even if I was to live my remaining days
Without the fulfillment of a promise given to me
I will remain faithful to my oath
Knowing the treasure I possess.

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment