No Regrets

You wanted to have me as your girlfriend
Knowing that I was saving my body
For the man should I one day wed

I am fifty-six years old now
And still never been married
But I continue to believe it’s possible

As a little girl I dreamt
Of marriage and true love
Not sleeping with a boyfriend

My dream didn’t consider
To settle and play house
With someone who I’d never marry

You don’t believe in marriage
Yet you want all the benefits of marriage
Without making the vows

But you knew from the start
Where I stood with my body
It wasn’t a subject to debate

You said you understood
And that you would respect my boundaries
So how come you began to complain?

We kissed and held hands
I was content with the exchange
But you kept saying, “More!”

Your balls turned blue and hurt
What’s that got to do with me?
I’m not the one to fix it

With a distorted face
Your preoccupation with sex
My need for the subject to change

“How about this…” I suggest
“Go take a cold shower”
And you took offense in that

But you lied to me
You got yourself aroused
And wanted to have sex regardless

You created the problem
And blamed me for it
But It was not my problem

You resort to watching ****
The volume muted on your phone
And think I’m stupid

Your preoccupation for sex
Your boredom with my company
The attitude that you’re being deprived

The distance you created
Miles away in your thinking
As you watch naked women on your phone

Shouldn’t I be the offended
You are already unfaithful
We haven’t even been together one month

Now I have a problem
It’s dealing with your ignorance
You didn’t keep your word

But I kept mine
And I can’t tell you how glad I am
For doing it

I would have hated myself 
If I gave in to your pressure
It would have been too late

You would have got 
The one thing you wanted
And I would still be unmarried

You wouldn't have cared
As I’m left with the emptiness
Of knowing I betrayed my self

We are no longer together
But I still have my virtue
That comes with no regrets

What this has done for me
Is strengthen my resolve
I didn’t sell out.

Even if I never marry
I will remain faithful to my promise
Knowing the treasure I possess.

Copyright © Mona Ebel | Year Posted 2023

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