No More Doom and Gloom: Tommy's Story

People say my poetry is mostly doom and gloom But I’m a funny person and I’ll prove it to you soon My wit and sharp ripostes are a constant delight Let’s see if I can tell this story to prove I’m right. I had three friends who loved booze And the only time they didn’t imbibe Was when they had passed out Or were taking an alcoholic snooze Each died doing what they loved Drinking, sipping and guzzling Johnny was a straight-forward drunk Mary took refined and dainty lady-like slips But Tommy was an out-and-out guzzler Here are their stories, one by one Pull up a chair and sit, let’s get to it. Tommy was one of a kind, how that man could guzzle Why he did what he did remains an unsolved puzzle One day Tommy got the bright idea To build a silo twelve feet high and wide And fill it with a life-time supply of liquor That way each day his guzzling could be quicker Tommy worked hard in building that silo Like a man in the throes of dementia Eagerly anticipating his coming adventure He finished the silo in less than a month Filled with pride at his accomplishment He travelled state-wide to gather booze Crossing three state lines and Covering the counties, too The pile of bottles, barrels, kegs and jugs Just grew and grew and grew His endeavor got people to talking and Coming around Tommy’s place, stopping Laughing, pointing, staring, gawking, Tommy ignored everyone intent upon his task Until one day the silo was filled The job was done at last The booze dripped over the silo’s rim That silo was filled right up to the brim Everyone lined up to help Tommy celebrate The tap was opened and the booze flowed At a generous and steady rate At about dawn everyone was down Drunk as lords passed out on the ground Tommy was the only drinker standing In between guzzling, muttering bleakly “I outlasted them all – the weaklings”! Now Tommy had built an outside ladder To get to the top of the silo Without warning he started climbing A couple of times coming close To losing his grip and falling At the top of the silo Tommy braced himself And using his best Cagney voice Started screaming in elation “Top of the World, Ma, Top of the World!” Then did a perfect swan dive Into his favorite libation. EPILOGUE: If you’re going to swill and guzzle Do it with panache Emulate Tommy and always intend To be sure you make quite a splash.