No Excuses and Well, No Results

Is it that time again Is it time once again for me to stand before this jury and repeat the words I'm sorry for me to stand before this council list my excuses for being away for so long What's the point I have no more excuses I'm just searching for my results Results well you've seen my last work a short narrative of ramblings What was I thinking that was my problem I wasn't My work is filled with complex etiquette and simple truth poured in with divine emotion no one can ever see coming What I wrote previously was nothing short of an atrocity despicable, nothing worthy of me So what has sparked my recent re-interest nothing I've just avoided writing for so long my ideas worn thin preoccupied with life and the trials it brings I thought I may fall short again and ramble repeatedly about nonsense meaninglessly or create a masterpiece and forget all the words like I did with 'Ashley, Baby' I guess you're all wondering what female has plagued my mind I could simply point out a name create a false name to protect her identity mark her name a fable and spill my guts as a cure to rid myself of her poison but there is no one I've tried to clear my head before I dive back into the love scene I've tried to change my surroundings meet someone new have someone new to chase after instead of pining after the same flowers I've praised and denounced after every end I'm trying to mature I'm 18, I guess I owe myself that but that's always been my reasoning so I really don't know what I really expect I am only human Why do I care so much about what others think of me If I want them to care, I should just go back to school but no I am just me I am just me I guess I'm ok with that even though I go through so many personality and name changes to change and negate the negative contents I contain I want so bad to perfect to be the best friend I picture myself to be to be the perfect man any woman would want to be the perfect son a parent could ask for to be the inaudible perfect brother to be the perfect poet to desperately be someone I, myself could look in the mirror and say 'I'm so happy to be me' but I'm here sitting with my legs crossed a blanket on my back to shield me from the cold a thought filled mind with symptoms of a minor concussion a no one, a loner and still undiscovered Oh, what a perfect disappointment I am When will I ever be more confident of myself When will I ever be less harsh upon myself I guess when I grow a tail or sprout wings and fly to Seattle a home I may need to change... I don't know I don't know how I do it I don't know how it happens I guess I just inadvertently I just inadvertently set myself up to well Lose