Nine Month Rule

We have five December birthdays in our immediate family. February should be the love month, not March, never March, okay? Some are confused about St. Valentine who, though he championed love, would have scoffed at our customs. Claudius the Cruel*, Queen Juno**, birds mating, and fertility rites have no bearing on March. Please pass the word. December birthdays thin budgets, time, and tempers. The month of December is for Christmas, don'tcha know? March should be off limits in the bedroom. Every woman should hang a sign on her bed on March first: On Vacation for one month! What, no one told your mother about the nine month rule? *Ordered St. Valentine beheaded in 278 AD **Roman Goddess of marriage & childbirth.