This is what the spirits tell me about you: I see you have traveled far in search of answers to your many questions. You should take satisfaction in having attained an advanced state of enlightenment. Being in such a position allows one to pass judgment on lesser mortals with self-assured authority. Self-pity is not a preoccupation of yours. You know that as bad as it gets, it could always be worse. You take daily comfort in the simplest of pleasures, and remember to give thanks for all your blessings. Depression is a savage beast, none-the-less, and the feeling of being inexorably drawn toward the event horizon of a black hole has as much to do with gravitational forces as with misdirected thoughts that might be more productively oriented.
Though you have long ago given up any belief in either religion or magic, you retain a nagging curiosity regarding the nature of existence. You still suspect there might be some point to consciousness and self-awareness. You will continue to chase your tail trying to figure out what that is till you run out of time. You have found both optimistic and pessimistic paradigms regarding that conundrum, which you consider two sides of the same coin. You now need to find a slot into which you may insert it. The Freudian implications that inevitably enter your mind at this suggestion is proof of your fixation on the act of coitus and its many variations.
But you pessimistically suspect that it may also suggest a different answer to the mystery of consciousness: to aid in the perpetuation of our species for some greater, unfathomable purpose, with self-awareness being an evolutionary adaptation that merely serves to further that goal. You believe it is not too far-fetched to think of the individual as a useful, but ultimately expendable organism contributing to a larger process, the nature of which it cannot possibly be aware; just as a flea has no possibility of comprehending anything beyond the hide of the host on which it seeks to feed.
Your symposium on optimism, conversely, speaks of an individual spiritual connection to some Universal Benevolence, with self-awareness being one manifestation of the infinite aspects of its nature. If that is the case, then each of us is the purpose of existence. No need to look any further. Everything is beautiful in its own way, as someone once stated.
Either way, you will continue to battle the blues on a daily basis until one day you will not have reason to fret any more. That is your task. You don’t have to like it. You just have to do it. With that premise guiding your journey, you must be determined to focus on just one step at a time, while reminding yourself that many stones pave the road, but each was placed individually. I hope one day you will have earned the right to peace and contentment. Some afflictions cannot be cured, but they may be successfully managed.
Copyright © Michael Kalavik | Year Posted 2021
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.
to post a comment