Night Time Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder why I'm on this muddy path, sometimes I wonder if I've incurred gods wrath, sometimes I wonder when death will have me caught, sometimes I wonder if all my endeavors will add up to nought, standing on every street corner there're manipulators, gatekeepers and taste makers, I can't even trust my own neighbors, for I'm living in a whirlpool world with dwindling clarity, and an expansion of hypocrisy, vulgarity and immorality, having a contrary opinion now makes you a target, as fragile minds are quick to short circuit, aren't different viewpoints supposed to make you think, for it seems different expressions demand you lip sync, it's difficult staying non partisan in a world full of sides, and not taking the hand of gurus and guides, I've always been a loner and an observer, there's a calming freedom with being an outsider, I welcome the moments I can stare into my own abyss, for self realization is a kind of bliss, accepting I'll never be perfect in any way, but I do smile when I wake up the next day, are existential concerns embedded in the human condition, when everyday seems like repetition, and happiness infrequently visits and sadness remains longer, does adversity really make you stronger, such dark thoughts jostle for attention in my mind, what is the legacy I will leave behind, will there be storytellers keeping me alive, will I keep on finding fuel for my internal drive.