New Years Resolutions

Well, it's again that time to make a fresh start, Concoctin' another lot of resolutions to impart. I'll try to come up with some that are easy to surmount, And perhaps this year actually carry them out! Toppin' my list I resolve to buy a new scales. When I mount the one I own, it never fails. Tellin' me that I weigh more than I think I should. My understandin' of this dilemma is not at all understood! To lessen calories, fats and such I'll curtail my food intake, Therefore, I'll consume no hamburgers, pizzas or chocolate cake. I'm sure this restriction won't apply to eatin' gobs of ice cream, But if it does, somehow, I'll have to create a devious scheme! To please my spouse and appear more reputable, And I suppose it might be more socially acceptable, For church I'll deign to wear a stiflyin' tie and coat, Sufferin' through interminable sermons clutchin' at my throat! Even with the best of intentions to keep these pledges should I fail, And in my lackadaisical attempts they should come to no avail, The Lord willin' I'll be around come this time next New Year, To contrive new resolutions to which I pledge to adhere! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired © All Rights Reserved Placed No. 4 in Carolyn Devonshire's "New Years Resolutions" Contest - Dec 2010