Never Not

I couldn’t see at first And for that I am regret I couldn’t see when it was worst And I shouldn’t have left yet. And to you…I’ll never not be sorry. It was fast friendship when I moved to town When I was lonely, lost, generally down. But the first friend I made seemed bright She seemed to occasionally give some light. And it was nice. Pleasant. Relaxing. Needed. But I was so lost in myself I didn’t see signs I should have heeded. For that..I’ll never not be sorry. I was busy, it was Thanksgiving, I had to cook. There was family waiting, but time I should have took To stop, to check on you. Especially after that look. The hollow, the empty, the nothing left. The joylessness, the will to stay gone from theft. I noticed, just barely, peripherally, in passing mainly. Not until I was replaying it in my head did I see it plainly. I left…I’ll never not be sorry. A call. At work. Just started. Just…to say…you’ve departed. Medics came, out of the house carted My friend from her family, broken-hearted. why didn’t I stay..?…I’ll never not be sorry. There is so much I could have… There is so much I should have Said to you, done for you. Maybe just been there too. Perhaps it would have been enough To keep you here, to keep you tough. I have been told it’s not my fault, I believe that. But there will always be weight in my heart sat. It took me years to stop saying it was all on me. It took years for any peace to exist, blame not to be. And still I feel…there’s something I should have done. A move I missed that could have had you won. I swear there’s something that should have been said. There’s something I missed to get inside your head. And maybe if I really knew, or paid attention To the things you were going through that you didn’t mention. Maybe I wouldn’t be missing my friend who joined the heavens starry. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing a note to let you know… I’ll never not be sorry.