Alex Duffy Poet Free verse

Never Had a Hug

Growing up I never had a hug
Parents were hugging vodka bottles
Grew up in care without a role model
Maybe that's why I find it hard to accept love

I thought sleeping with girls would make my past better
Now every girl I meet judges me on my track record
Sometimes I was sleeping with 2-3 girls a day. 21 a week, don't make me do the math for a year
No matter how much I like a girl, I can't make that disappear 

Thought i had a reason cause my Mother never gave me a hug
Sex with these girls gave me some kind of affection, 
but I couldn't make it into love
A heart full of pain and a mind with depression

Always looked at love like I never had it so i don't need it
If you don't like me then so be it
There he goes being all defensive
This is me admitting my flaws, this is more than penmanship

Reminisce on my past but I'm not defending it
I'm trying to be stronger and less sensitive
I find It difficult to open up to girls and hug these females
They want to know my past then judge the details

Father died when I was 14, he never showed me how to be a man
Depression had me and wouldn't free my hand
My whole life I despised affection and hated love
Maybe it's because I grew in care and my parents never gave me a hug

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Charlotte Puddifoot March 31, 2017 at 7:36 PM i've read a few of your pieces now...almost identical background to my ex hubby; he writes to express what he can't express in any other way Alex Duffy April 1, 2017 at 5:08 AM Its always nice when people can relate, even if its for sad reasons, writing is a great way of dealing with it, I think a lot of poets can only express themselves in poetry

Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart March 11, 2017 at 4:58 PM Alex, I am always happy to read your eloquent honest words. Your treatment of pain and difficulty is as stark as the reality. I don't find it at all depressing for I see you lightening your soul with every stroke of your pen. A figurative hug judgement free from across the pond xomo Alex Duffy March 11, 2017 at 8:14 PM Thank you, I'm glad you like them, that means a lot, yeah every line I write heals my heart a little, thank you. Hug to you too Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart March 11, 2017 at 5:00 PM Oh, and please do read my "An Ode", you dear gave me the courage to publish it here ;)